


A Voice From the Past

by LionessRinoaVIII



Series: SMAA Collection [2]
Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memorials, Minor Rinoa Heartilly/Squall Leonhart, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Parent Rinoa Heartilly, Parent Squall Leonhart, Sad, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23382994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LionessRinoaVIII/pseuds/LionessRinoaVIII
Summary: Just something I wrote for my mother. Rinoa remembers Julia Heartilly fondly on the anniversary of her passing, as she spends some time with her and Squall's daughter, who bares Rinoa's mother's name. Companion fic to Send Me an Angel but it stands on its own as well. Rinoa's POV.
Series: SMAA Collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765453





	A Voice From the Past

~In loving memory of Paula Faye Younce. April 26th, 1976-March 28th, 2014~

A weight sat on my lungs that morning, as I struggled to pull myself from an unrestful dream. I could still hear the rain pelting down on the windshield, and the last words my mother spoke echoed through my brain like she’d said them to me yesterday.  _ Rinny _ _ …baby…look at me, it’s okay. We’re going home.  _ A tear slid down my cheek, though I squeezed my eyes shut tighter in a  last-ditch effort to remember the perfect way that she had looked before the accident, before the lifeless stare that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

I jerked upright into a sitting position suddenly as I woke, gasping for air as I reached desperately for Squall’s side of the bed. He wasn’t there, and I knew he wouldn’t be, but my heart shattered into a million pieces to find his side completely empty.  _ Shit, Rinoa, breathe.  _ I reminded myself. It was any other day, I couldn’t let the anniversary of her death keep me down, not now. I had someone depending on me for the first time in my life.

Happiness flooded my heart at the thought of my new little baby, eight months old now and just as happy as ever. She had crawled for the first time yesterday, and Laguna had to watch her while I locked myself in the bathroom for a little while, to cry. It was breaking me into pieces that her daddy was missing out on her growth. His last letter promised he’d be home soon, and I prayed that that was true. Julie had been sleeping with Squall’s jacket in her crib, and she would coo the word “dada” at his pictures. I had made sure to show her pictures of him often, and tell her stories, so she’d know him. It would murder Squall if he came home and his baby didn’t remember him. He’d never say so, but I knew.

An overwhelming sadness gripped me, and I clasped a hand over my mouth to stifle the sob that was breaking loose. I didn’t want to wake my little girl, who slept soundly in the crib beside our bed. I hadn’t thought naming her after my mother would bother me, but today…all I could think about was that her namesake would never hold her. Never see herself in her beautiful little smile. Julia looked a lot like her father, but take away those bright blue eyes and she could have passed for my twin…and by extension, my  mother's twin. Her grandmother would have adored her. I sniffled a little too hard before I could stop myself, and a small whine broke from the corner beside Squall’s half of our bed. I smiled and walked around to pick up my baby, whose big blue eyes lit up the moment she saw my face.

“Good morning beautiful.” I cooed, my heart swelling in my chest as she tugged lightly on my hair and let out a  happy string of ‘ mamamamama ’. Her little chunky cheeks were the cutest things in the world, and wild giggles poured from her mouth as I pretended to gobble them up. I curled back up in the bed with her, smoothing her dark brown hair as she wiggled around in my lap.

I couldn’t stop the tears, and I half laughed half cried as I took a breast out to nurse. My heart broke as I watched her little face, just as innocent and sweet as an angel. It was hard to fathom that she had come from my body...that she was half me and half the man I loved. We had created something perfect, and I couldn’t help but wonder if my own mother had felt that way about me. She had been so warm. So bright. I regretted every second I didn’t get to spend with her, and I wasn’t making that mistake with Julia. 

“I’ll be by your side forever. I promise you. I promise.” I whispered, petting the side of her face tenderly as she guzzled down her breakfast. I was ready to be this little girl's whole world, and give her every bit of mine. I could feel myself tremble around her small body as my mind drifted off to the last memory I had of my mother before the accident. 

Mama and I had been readying ourselves for the last trip to Timber we would ever make together. We wouldn’t leave until morning, because that night was my birthday, and she had wanted Father to be present for my turning of five. He was angry, though, as he often was, that she was going to drag me out on another one of her free tours. We didn’t worry about money, we were relatively wealthy between the two of them, but he didn’t like that she gave ‘handouts’ to the people in Timber, because she felt sympathy for their plight. My father bled pride for Galbadia, and he took such behavior very personally. 

Father had left, in a rage, and Mama cried in their bedroom for several moments before my little legs had pumped hard enough to propel me to that end of the house. I was too late, by the time I got there, to defend her like I wanted, but not too late to stop her precious eyes from bleeding. “Mommy! Mommy!” My face was twisted with all the anger I could muster at that age, and I climbed into her lap to nuzzle my face up under her chin. Mama’s wide brown eyes were bloodshot, and pain radiated through my chest at the sight. I reached to wipe her tears away, my own eyes welling up and spilling over in my attempt at consoling her. “P- Pwease don’t cry.” 

My mother brightened the moment she felt me in her arms, like she always did, and she seemed to tuck her sadness away at an instant, something I had tried very hard to learn how to do myself in my adolescence. “Oh,  Rinny . You always cry when I cry, you stop that. Mommy is okay.” 

No, she wasn’t. Father hadn’t begun to treat me coldly until after her death, but he had always been too hard on my mother. She was gentle natured and kind, and her love for the people suffering in  Galbadia’s Republic outside of the country caused tension in their marriage. I was young, but I saw. I heard. “You’re sad. Daddy made you sad again.” I hiccupped as another round of sobs threatened to break from my chest, and she pulled me up on her shoulder, slender fingers running through my long black hair. 

“Now, now. I’ll have none of that.” She rocked me, shushing me softly as my hands curled into her own hair. I loved to play with it, just as Julie loved to play with mine. Mama’s hair was soft as silk, and the feel of it between my fingers was more comforting than any blanket they had ever offered me as a child. “A voice from the past, joining yours and mine, adding up the layers of harmony. And  so it goes, on and on. Melodies of life, to the sky beyond the flying birds—forever and beyond.” 

She whispered the chorus to my favorite song in my ears, and my tears ceased immediately. It brought her no small amount of joy, I knew, that her music brought me peace. It still did, and I had been singing them to my own baby from the moment I knew she was growing inside of me. Especially that one. I didn’t even know, as I held her there in thought, that my own lips were moving to the sound of the memory. “If I should leave this lonely world behind, your voice will still remember our melody. Now I know we’ll carry on. Melodies of life, come circle round and grow deep in our hearts, as long as we remember.”

Julia’s eyes were lidded, and she pulled away from my nipple to coo loudly at me. She loved it when I sang, and a tiny hand slapped lightly at my cheek in a plea for me to keep going. I tried, but once I’d been pulled from my thoughts and realized she was watching me I just couldn’t. My tears got the way. “M-Maybe another day, baby. Mommy will s-sing to you tomorrow.” I promised, pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

Julia didn’t seem to mind, she enjoyed being held and watching me, no matter what I was doing. It reminded me so much of how I had been with my own mother. I was my mother’s shadow, I adored her. I could see that same look in my Juli-Bean's eyes when she stared at me, and it meant more to me than anything in the world. It was also a little scary, knowing that a tiny human being was basing their entire way of existing on watching me, and leaning from how I did things. I sighed. 

“It’s you and me against the world, isn’t it, Julie? Two peas in a pod.” She curled her tiny fist around one of my fingers and I blinked my tears away as I smiled down at her. “What are we going to do today then? Hmm?” I pulled her up on my shoulder to burp her, and I’d never felt more connected to my mother in that moment. I held her there the way my mother had held me, and goose bumps ran down my arms, almost as if I could feel her with me.

It made me think back to the beginning, when I’d first found out I was pregnant. I was so terrified that I had miscarried when Fujin had attacked me that morning in  Esthar , and even though I knew it was going to be rough, being a teen mom, I had prayed so hard to my mother for Julie’s protection. I had never had a doubt in my mind that it had been her who had protected my little bean, but now more than ever as I held my little girl, I knew. I knew Mama was her guardian angel. 

“Mama,  mamamama ! Ma!” Julia squealed as she finally burped, and I laughed. She was  gonna be a little talker, Squall wouldn’t know what to do when he came home. Another pang hit my heart, as my thoughts lingered on my husband, and I made up my mind in that moment. I knew what we were doing today. 

“Do you  wanna call and talk to Daddy? Maybe he isn’t busy since he says he’s coming home.” One mention of the word daddy and Julia was kicking her little legs wildly. No amount of distance had quelled the pure love that existed between the two of them. I prayed it would always be that way, and that our family would suffer none of the hardships that had befallen either one of our parents. 

I pulled my phone off the night stand and put it on speaker as I dialed Squall’s number. He picked up on the first ring, and a smile that could have blinded the sun lit my daughter’s face as the sound of his voice filled our tiny bedroom. “ Rinoa ? Are you okay? Is Jules okay?” 

“Dada!” She babbled into the  receiver , and I could almost hear the love of my life melting into a puddle on the other end. 

“Oh, baby, hey. How is my little girl? When did you start saying my name, hm?” Squall’s voice was so soft, and so full of joy. I couldn’t wait to see him. For us to be a family again. I watched Julia clutch the phone like it was her lifeline, and I knew in my heart that everything was going to be okay. “I know it’s  gonna be hard, today. How is your mommy holding up?” He was addressing Julia, but I knew he was really asking me. While I was still sad, there was too much love in my life for me to wallow. My mother would have been so proud, to see all of us together like this. I smiled. 

“I think we’re doing just fine.” 

“We?” He asked, confused, and I shrugged my shoulders though I knew he couldn’t see me. I looped a finger through my mother’s ring, which rested right beside Griever, as it always did. As it always would. 

“Yeah.” I responded. I had never been surer in my life that my mother had never truly left me. “We.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Characters belong to Square Enix.


End file.
